1. The typical signs: pallid complexion, red nose, bitten fingernails, shiny dress shoes.

2. May also be scurrying somewhere in wrinkly business attire clutching resume.

3. Or buying Kleenex and beer at the deli with loose change.

3. Or carrying a jingly coffee can in the vicinity of a Coinstar machine.

4. Will certainly not be haunting favorite snacking destinations but may be hard at work on a self-pitying blog post.

Approach with caution, as this individual may be both highly contagious and extremely pissy.