A near-constant tummyache sent me to the doctor recently, whose advice was to change my diet, specifically, eliminate meat. “Try it as an experiment,” she said. Doomed to gastric distress or life without sliders, pork buns, and meatloaf, I sought comfort at Madras Cafe. Just around the corner from Indian Row’s hecklers and chintzy glitz, Madras is in a different league–quiet and welcoming with warm rust-colored walls, and a veggie-vegan-kosher-friendly menu that clearly marks dairy content and spice level. You might see one of the rare lone diner species, or even actual Indian people, eating here.

Highlights are the dosas: thin, non-greasy rice crepes wrapped around savory fillings like potato masala, peas and onions, and served with a side of spicy tomato sambar, and a grits-like, tongue-scorching chutney. At $9, it’s pricier than a visit to the Dosa Man in Washington Square, but reasonable for a nicer sit-down place. The samosas ($5) are two crisp vegetable turnovers filled with potato, nuts and spices, perfect for sharing. For a main dish, the Kofta Curry ($10–pictured) arrives as three falafel-like veggie meatballs covered in a buttery tomato sauce. I can’t resist a decent mango lassi, a sweet yogurt drink that doubles as dessert, although I prefer the tartness of Lassi’s. Beware of the lentil donuts, which were leathery and weirdly resisted soaking up their bath of creamy curry sauce.

Will I stay a vegetarian? I doubt it. But I do like experimenting.

Madras Cafe, 79 Second Avenue Mon-Sat noon-11pm, Sun noon-10pm

I completed my first long-overdue WordPress upgrade. Now on Version 2.3.3, I was able to install this cool GeoMashup plugin, found on Cyberhobo, which plots my snacking adventures on a Google Map from WordPress, and places a link on the post that takes you to that location on the map. It’s not perfect yet–I kind of wish it displayed business names and addresses–and I don’t know what kind of freaky mess you’re seeing in IE6. Sorry. Click here to experience the wonder of the Snack map.

Now I’m thinking a redesign is in order, so I’m taking in the full You Suck At Photoshop series. There’s just something about emotionally-devastated design tutorials that makes learning so much fun. Don’t miss episode 4 and episode 7.

The pizza at Alligator Lounge is an unexplainable phenomenon of budget snacking. I can’t quite figure out how it’s free. Well, it’s not exactly free–you must purchase one drink, at about $5 a pop, to get a free pizza ticket. If you want toppings, it’ll be $2 for the first and $1 for each additional. But assuming you don’t, in about ten minutes you’ll have a piping-hot 12-inch pie to accompany your beer at a cost of zero dollars (except possibly a tip for your pizza guy).

How is it possible? Because the pizza actually isn’t terrible. True, it tastes better after several beers. And you might want to blot the grease with several napkins and go heavy on the crushed red pepper and oregano to give it some extra taste. Better yet, you might want to carry along your own personal pizza spice-rack for just this situation. But if you spice it up just right and be sure to eat it fast before the cheese congeals–this is the miracle of which I speak.

The kitschy-tropical ambiance is bearable, to a point: potted palms and bamboo shades, flamingos and rainbow lights, a decent digital jukebox, pool table, and inevitably, crowds. Alligator lounge may not be the main attraction for your night, but it’s a good late-night hunger fix (open until 3:30 am), or a place to get the party started before moving on to some serious drinking at Spuyten Duyvil.

If you don’t feel like hopping the L, there’s even an East Village outpost. And if you can handle two pizzas, you get another free one with your second drink.

Brooklyn: Alligator Lounge, 600 Metropolitan Ave. at Lorimer St. Open Daily 3pm-4am

East Village: Crocodile Lounge 325 E 14th St. at First Avenue Open Daily 12pm-4am

Quite simply, the snack equivalent of crack. THIS is what I have wanted donuts to be, since back in the day when good donuts meant a cardboard box of chocolate-glazed munchkins. The cinnamon sugar donut from Balthazar Bakery ($1.25) is small, less than palm-sized. When biting into it you break throught an apply-crisp, brown-sugary outer layer, into a doughy, delicately chewy middle. This donut ranks beyond Krispey Creme and Doughnut Plant due to the fritter-like crunch of that outer layer. It’s no exaggeration to say that I live in New York City to eat stuff like this.

Balthazar Bakery, 80 Spring St.

It’s easy to take for granted the main benefit of winter: your body is more camouflaged than usual. Once spring arrives on the avenues, coats peel away to reveal pouchy bellies and jiggling thighs. So if you haven’t by February, it’s time you indulged in the most surpassingly indulgent of heart-attack snacks, while you can still pack another fleshy layer under that sweater.

I can only be talking about poutine. If there’s a reason to love Canada, it’s because they thought of packing a styrofoam cup with freshly-cut fries, layering in cheese curds, and topping it with extremely thick, scalding hot chicken gravy. The potatoes absorb the salty gravy while remaining slightly crisp at the ends, and the curd gobs soften, especially in the melty center of the bowl, and squeak a little in your teeth. For optimal poutine enjoyment, it’s best to find someplace that imports the cheese curds and gravy from Canada, such as Pommes Frites in the East Village; otherwise you may be getting lousy diner-version cheesy fries. Don’t plan to do much of anything afterward except curl up in front of the TV, holding your engorged tummy.

Gourmet poutine: Sheep Station and Inn LW12 on NYTimes.com

Poutine, $4.50 for a small at Pommes Frites, 123 Second Ave. at 7th St.
11:30 am-1:00am open til 3:30am Fri and Sat